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Rachel Blau DuPlessis’s 2008 and 2009 Tapa Notebook — page 38
[ Text: Sometimes // [indented list follows] want to give it up / what good is it anyway / not good (much) at career building / one can never be as good at that as / the maw of publicity demands / or the constant pressure to produce / from a well framed position / (even tho my friends the bloggers / are also exploratory Al & Ron) // the disappointment of Salt may be / unable to do the book (hints) // [boxed text] just want to write it // but don’t all the time. / and it goes out into / the world / for what? // 20 Jan 09 ]
RBD gloss: “it” is clearly poetry. Or more specifically, my particular mode of poetry. The implied subject also could be “I’m” in the third phrase here. Salt is Salt Publishing, which published many of the books of Drafts but was, in fact, then in the process of exiting from publishing poetry in favor of publishing fiction.
These are scans of pages of a Tapa Notebook, filled out by American poet Rachel Blau DuPlessis for the University of Auckland Library. It ponders Rachel’s experiences writing in 2008 and 2009. For more of this backstory, see here. The word ‘tapa’ refers to the kind of dyed patterned cloth (made from the paper mulberry tree) shown left, and on the front cover of the notebook, an honorable practice popular in Polynesia. (See Wikipedia) Most spreads of this notebook have a blank verso (left hand page), except for 7L and 7R. Blank verso pages are not shown; usually only the recto (right hand) page is shown.